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20 AUGUST 2008 :: TALES FROM LATE NITE LONDON
As you know I have been in considerable pain for the last few weeks with my knee injury. As a last resort I've taken to drinking more than is strictly necessary on a weeknight to help alleviate the pain.

Last week involved a group of supposedly sophisticated adults regressing to teenagers and drinking tequila shots. This week I was determined to do something more appropriate and went to an art exhibition, followed by a few bottles of red wine in a bookstore. However, by the end of the night it was still a very strange experience.

I got the train home, and I'll admit, I was drunk. I was minding my own business, sitting down and holding onto my crutches. A woman who was obviously having a good night came and sat next to me, below is the (slurred) conversation that followed:

"ohhh that looks sore! What did you do?"

"I hurt my knee playing ice hockey, torn ligament, torn cartilage, it's a bit of a mess in there apparently."

"I've broken a few bones but I have never torn cartilage. LOOK!"
She slid her top off her shoulder and showed me how her collar bone had quite an impressive lump in it

"Wow, that must have been painful!"

"Hmmm yes, so what did you do to yourself then?"

Haven't we discussed that?

"I hurt my knee playing ice hockey, torn ligament, torn cartilage, it's a bit of a mess in there apparently."

"Ice hockey, wow, that must really hurt. You know the best thing about crutches though? You'll get a six pack from using them!"

She lifts up her top to show me her stomach, to her credit it's a very flat stomach with an interesting belly-button piercing. Hey, it would have been rude not to look!

"That's a flat stomach, mine could use a bit of work. Hopefully some good comes from using the crutches"

"So how did you hurt yourself then?"

OK I know I've been drinking but I could swear I've already answered that one!

"I hurt my knee playing ice hockey, torn ligament, torn cartilage, it's a bit of a mess in there apparently."

There is a few moments silence.

"I work in healthcare, I'm a Neurolinguistics programmer."

"Do you work with people who have had strokes and things like that?"

"Sometimes. It's my job to help people get better, to make them feel happy"

I nod slowly.

She looks into my eyes and says "I could make you feel very happy"

An undisclosed period of time passes while I try and digest this statement..... It's my stop, thank Christ I don't have to respond to that!

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
Groucho Marx